Posted by: heddam | 26 November 2009

Too fast

 Ya’ll…..I’m not sure how much longer I can do this.

I looked at Slurpee last night and told her how much I wanted to stay home with her. I should have stayed home with her brother, but at the time it wouldn’t have been a good thing. The time in my life for having children is over and all I can do now is watch my children grow up. That’s not what I wanted. I know that I can’t handle being pregnant again, but I don’t think I was done having kids.

Anywho, when I dropped Weeman and Slurpee off at school this morning, Slurpee was very warm. Ms. Laura was asking if she could give her some Tylenol if she was still warm in a few minutes. I started thinking that maybe it was because she was teething. I felt her little gums and felt the definite bumps of teeth trying to poke through.

Ms. Laura laid her down in her arms so I could get a better look. When Slurpee finally moved her tongue out of the way, she stingy like that, I saw a little white peak sticking out of her gum. Tears welled up in my eyes. My little baby isn’t a baby so much any more. That means she’s growing up. It’s what everyone else wants, but I don’t think I’m ready.

Can I get off the train and hold on to these precious days just a while longer? Please?

Posted by: heddam | 13 November 2009

Genetics Update

I took Slurpee for her genetics follow up last week. They had sent the report to us, but it was in medicalese and darn if I could tell what it all meant.

Basically, I have an abnormality on chromosome 22 that I never knew about. I passed that on to her. Simply because of the way she looked when she was born they did genetic testing and found this abnormality.

The simple explanation is that she and I have extra material on chromosome 22. The extra material is not linked to any syndromes that the medical community knows about at this time. They would be more concerned if she were missing material. Knowing that I have lived this long with the same abnormality and seem to have no problems (insert jokes here) there is no reason to believe that she will grow up with no problems.

She was checked out by one full fledged genetic counselor, one full fledged genetic doctor, one nurse, and four med students. It was fun. I love watching the students learn. It helps me learn more about all the medical stuff. Very helpful.

I’m glad to be able to go back to being a normal, healthy family.

Posted by: heddam | 28 October 2009

Want to know a little about me?

I saw this little questionnaire on a blog I just started reading and thought I would borrow it since I can’t find anything to talk about here.

 1. What is your favorite thing to snack on while your blogging? I usually blog while I’m at work, so I don’t usually snack. I also need my hands to type. Don’t you?

2. What is one thing you wouldn’t want to live without? It says thing, but I would have to say my family. Mostly my kids.

 3. Beach, Mountains, or Farm? Where would you live if you had a choice? Just a couple of years ago I would have said mountains. But after last winter being so cold and being stuck in the house with Weeman because of the cold I’m going with Beach. I want warm weather dang it.

 4. What’s your least favorite chore/household duty? Cleaning the bathrooms. My mother made me do it when I was living at home and I never did it to her liking.

5. Who do people say you remind them of? My mother

6. Prefer parties and socializing or staying home with the fam? Home. I should probably socialize more, but I’m really a home body.

7. What’s your all time favorite movie? The Notebook

8. Do you sleep in your make-up or remove it like a good little girl every night? Sleep in my make-up or what’s left of it. I run my hands over my face all day long.

9. Do you have a hidden talent or a deep desire to learn something that you’ve never had a chance to learn? What is it? Ummmm, nothing hidden. I do love music and wish I had finished my music education degree.

10. What’s one strange thing you’re really good at? Seeing things as they really are before anyone else (I knew Garret was going to die 6 days before anyone else) My grandmother could do the same thing.

11. What first attracted you to your spouse? He treated me like a queen. I don’t know what happened.

12. What is something you love to smell? The top of Slurpee’s head

13. Tell something about you that you know irritates people. I used to be early all the time. Now I’m late all the time. I blame the kids, but really it’s me.

14. When you have extra money, what’s the first thing you think to do with it? Buy clothes for me or the kids

15. Are you a silent laugher or a loud laugher? I used to have this really great giggle. It kept me from laughing loudly. I lost it when Garrett died. I miss it all the time. I know have silent laughter. I hate the way I laugh when I laugh loudly.

16. Where is your favorite place to shop? Ann Taylor Loft – no question. Just ask Neely!

17. What’s one thing you’d do more often if you had more time? Spend quality time with the kids and cross stitch

18. Are you a big spender or frugal? Big spender

19. Who is your favorite character of all time? Woodstock? I don’t think I have one.

20. Would you want to be famous? No, thank you.

Anyone else want to play?

Posted by: heddam | 19 October 2009

Ready and missing

For about two years now, I have wanted to get a tattoo to remember my sweet baby boy. My nephew, String Bean, has 5 or 6 tats. The last one he got was a remembrance tatoo for Garrett. It is beautiful. He took me with him when he got it. He had drawn a picture of what he wanted before he got his tat. It is a remembrance ribbon with a baby hospital band around it. That’s not what he got exactly. So, I decided that’s what I would get.

I knew I wanted to wait until I had my last baby. I didn’t want to chance not being able to have an epidural while in labor. Let’s not discuss that last sentence, mkay? I’m ready. I’m beyond ready. Queen is going to get a remembrance tatoo also. We are going to go together. She’s making me wait until she saves enough money. I’m dying with anticipation.

I have been reading another blog for a while that I found from Catherine’s site. Catherine just got a remembrance tatoo. I’m jealous. Anywho, this lady lost a little girl to stillbirth. She now has Sydney’s footprint tatooed on her foot. I was reading her blog today and thought that I would like to have Garrett’s footprint tatooed on me. Bad news. I don’t have a footprint of his any longer. A couple of years ago I was working on a remembrance gift for Neely from Garrett for Christmas. Something I do every year. I found a place that would print hand or foot prints on a plaque type thing. That’s when I found out mine, Gran’s and Marie’s has all faded. I no longer have his footprint.

It makes me sad to know that I won’t be able to add that little part to my tatoo. Little baby feet are my favorite body parts to kiss. They are so adorable. Funny, since I have problem with feet in general. Just ask Neely.

Any ideas on how to find a copy of Garrett’s footprints? I really would like to have them.

Posted by: heddam | 16 October 2009

Missed it

I missed it. Yesterday was Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. You are supposed to light a candle at 7pm in your time zone. The thought is that the lights can be seen traveling around the world. A cool thought.

I missed it. I was at band practice when I was supposed to be lighting a candle. It made me kind of sad. Then I read this post and thought that I couldn’t have said it better myself. It really spoke to my heart. I know most people don’t understand. It’s good to find someone who does.

Oh Garrett, I miss you more everyday. Momma, Daddy, Weeman and Slurpee all love you very much.

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