When I started feeling better after Garrett passed away I tried to figure out some way I could help others who were going through what I had been through. I never did nail down what I could do or where the need was. I tried to plug in to the March of Dimes, but everything we did was so poorly organized that I couldn’t stand to keep going.

I want to make a difference with this issue that is so near and dear to my heart. The best way I know how is to start a non-profit organization. I just don’t know how to go about doing it. I don’t even where to start.

I need to start blogging again. I have found myself in a slump of sorts lately. Somehow, just writing stuff out here helps me work through things in my own head. So while this post is short, I will be back. Maybe not daily, but hopefully more than once every nine months.

When Garrett was born, I knew that when he finally came home I would not be able to put him daycare. Preemies are too prone to getting sick especially in the winter months and it turning into RSV which is very deadly for them. I decided that I would go back to work until he was almost ready to come and then I would quit and stay home with him. Then he passed away and that was that.

We moved and Neely was unable (so he says) to find a job, so when Weeman was born he stayed home with him. When Weeman was 6 months old, Neely went to Iraq for year. Two months before he left I had been diagnosed with borderline severe depression. I only had one week to decide if I was going to continue working or stay home. Gran and I decided it would be best for me to keep working, because we were both concerned that my depression would get worse if I had no set reason to leave the house everyday.

When Slurpee was born this past year I longed to stay home with her. It was an absolute foreign feeling to me. I have never thought of myself as a SAHM. I have been in my current job for a little less than two years and have not been really happy since about the third month I was hear. I decided last September that I would leave my job and stay home with the kids at the end of January.

You have to be wondering why I waited so long after making the decision. First, I was using the insurance from my job for Slurpee’s genetic testing. The earliest appointment we could get for that was November. So, I had to at least work through November. Then the state I work for furloughed its employees for six days this fiscal year. Four of those days were to be added to our Christmas break but the money would be taken out one day per month starting in September. Even if you quit you wouldn’t get that money back. If they were going to take my money, I wanted my days off. Jussayin’!

So, January 29 will be my last day working in the corporate world. Hopefully, I will be able to survive being a SAHM. I know Weeman needs me at home to help with school. He’s having issues with his teacher. I’ll have to tell you that story later.

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Our other big decision is that we have decided to move to the big state of TEXAS!!!!!

Yeah, yeah. Big deal! Well, for us it is. When we first got married, Neely was stationed in Washington, DC. He eventually got out of the Army, but we stayed there. It took me seven years to get out of there and move home to be close to my parents. Weeman has been six miles for my parents his entire life. We eat dinner together several times a week.

About a year after Neely returned from Iraq he was able to turn his reserve job into a mobilization and stay home at the same time. He decided at this point that he wanted to career out with the Army. (He never should have gotten out in the first place. I tried to tell him.) The post he is currently stationed is on the BRAC list and is scheduled to close in June 2011. There is nowhere close to Mom and Dad for us to go.

My brother, I think I call him GI Joe, is stationed in Texas. He’s been there several times and absolutley loves it. He’s four years from retiring from the Army. He and Neely are best friends. He has tried to talk us in to moving there for a couple of years.

Neely kept talking about moving to Tampa or back to DC or going to a post that is close during the week and then coming home on the weekends. None of those really appealed to me. I still wanted to be close to family. I guess losing a child will show you how important family is.

While everyone was at my house for Christmas, GI Joe and his wife kept talking up Texas and finally we said, OK. We’re coming. So, that’s it. This summer we’ll be headed to Texas. I’m not sure Gran will let the children leave, but ….

I’m torn. I’m excited and I’m sad. At this point, I’m not ready to talk about that. I’ll save that and the house selling for other posts.

For Pete's sake Mom!!

 I’m a little behind with my updates (and yes, that would be an understatement) so you can see that now she can sit up. Well, kind of sit up. She wobbles and sometimes falls over. She hasn’t quite grasped the whole sitting up thing yet.

She can roll from from to back and back to front, but hasn’t figured out that you can use that as a mode of transportation. Thank God!

She is absolutely enamoured with her brother. Whenever he is playing she watches him run back and forth. Just this past weekend I had to make him leave the kitchen so that she would pay attention to me while I tried to feed her. He wasn’t acting up, just being 5 and she wouldn’t stop watching him.

I heard her first belly laughs this weekend.

She has giggled a lot, but this is the first time I have heard big belly laughs. It warmed my heart to hear it. We have been stuck in the house for pretty much the whole weekend after school was canceled Friday because of a “snow” storm we got and the temperatures have not gotten above freezing until today. It was nice to have something to entertain us for a few minutes.

Slurpee’s six month well check had to be put off for a few weeks because she had an ear infection and the doctor won’t see them if they are just a little sick. She went this past Thursday for that check. She weighed 14 pounds and 14 ounces. She was 25 and 3/4 inches long and had a 17 inch head. She’s still pretty small for her age, even considering that she was premature.

She has started eating fruits and veggies and seems to like everything except green beans. She still spits those back out at me. She will eat them, but I know she prefers not to. She hasn’t started holding her bottles yet. I’m looking forward to that day so that we can start working her toward a sippy cup. She wants to drink everything that we have so I don’t think that will be a hard transition.

She has started moving backward. It is kind of an inchworm thing. You can put her in one spot and when you come back she has moved backward a ways. You have to keep an eye on her now or she’ll end up under something and you won’t be able to find her.

She has also figured out that she can use her hands to pick up stuff. She constantly moves her fingers in a pinching motion kind of like a crab. She wants to grap everything and hold it and of course, put it in her mouth.

She is my social butterfly. She smiles at everyone. She’s not afraid of anyone. Anyone can take her and walk away and she doesn’t get upset at all. The only time she gets mad is if she’s left in a room alone. She always has to be where the action is. This is the child I’m going to be hunting down in the mall in a few years. Lord, please be with me.

I always complain that I have nothing to blog about. I guess the preceding paragraph would tell a different story. I will have to get busy with catching you guys up on what I’ve been doing, but that will have to wait until I can get the house clean, the lock-in planned for the youth for New Year’s Eve and get ready to go back to work on Monday.

Big decisions have been made that I will have to share after I go back to work. I promise to come back. Don’t forget about me. I have new pictures too. They are too cute.

I looked at Slurpee last night and told her how much I wanted to stay home with her. I should have stayed home with her brother, but at the time it wouldn’t have been a good thing. The time in my life for having children is over and all I can do now is watch my children grow up. That’s not what I wanted. I know that I can’t handle being pregnant again, but I don’t think I was done having kids.

Anywho, when I dropped Weeman and Slurpee off at school this morning, Slurpee was very warm. Ms. Laura was asking if she could give her some Tylenol if she was still warm in a few minutes. I started thinking that maybe it was because she was teething. I felt her little gums and felt the definite bumps of teeth trying to poke through.

Ms. Laura laid her down in her arms so I could get a better look. When Slurpee finally moved her tongue out of the way, she stingy like that, I saw a little white peak sticking out of her gum. Tears welled up in my eyes. My little baby isn’t a baby so much any more. That means she’s growing up. It’s what everyone else wants, but I don’t think I’m ready.

Can I get off the train and hold on to these precious days just a while longer? Please?

Basically, I have an abnormality on chromosome 22 that I never knew about. I passed that on to her. Simply because of the way she looked when she was born they did genetic testing and found this abnormality.

The simple explanation is that she and I have extra material on chromosome 22. The extra material is not linked to any syndromes that the medical community knows about at this time. They would be more concerned if she were missing material. Knowing that I have lived this long with the same abnormality and seem to have no problems (insert jokes here) there is no reason to believe that she will grow up with no problems.

She was checked out by one full fledged genetic counselor, one full fledged genetic doctor, one nurse, and four med students. It was fun. I love watching the students learn. It helps me learn more about all the medical stuff. Very helpful.

I’m glad to be able to go back to being a normal, healthy family.

 1. What is your favorite thing to snack on while your blogging? I usually blog while I’m at work, so I don’t usually snack. I also need my hands to type. Don’t you?

2. What is one thing you wouldn’t want to live without? It says thing, but I would have to say my family. Mostly my kids.

 3. Beach, Mountains, or Farm? Where would you live if you had a choice? Just a couple of years ago I would have said mountains. But after last winter being so cold and being stuck in the house with Weeman because of the cold I’m going with Beach. I want warm weather dang it.

 4. What’s your least favorite chore/household duty? Cleaning the bathrooms. My mother made me do it when I was living at home and I never did it to her liking.

5. Who do people say you remind them of? My mother

6. Prefer parties and socializing or staying home with the fam? Home. I should probably socialize more, but I’m really a home body.

7. What’s your all time favorite movie? The Notebook

8. Do you sleep in your make-up or remove it like a good little girl every night? Sleep in my make-up or what’s left of it. I run my hands over my face all day long.

9. Do you have a hidden talent or a deep desire to learn something that you’ve never had a chance to learn? What is it? Ummmm, nothing hidden. I do love music and wish I had finished my music education degree.

10. What’s one strange thing you’re really good at? Seeing things as they really are before anyone else (I knew Garret was going to die 6 days before anyone else) My grandmother could do the same thing.

11. What first attracted you to your spouse? He treated me like a queen. I don’t know what happened.

12. What is something you love to smell? The top of Slurpee’s head

13. Tell something about you that you know irritates people. I used to be early all the time. Now I’m late all the time. I blame the kids, but really it’s me.

14. When you have extra money, what’s the first thing you think to do with it? Buy clothes for me or the kids

15. Are you a silent laugher or a loud laugher? I used to have this really great giggle. It kept me from laughing loudly. I lost it when Garrett died. I miss it all the time. I know have silent laughter. I hate the way I laugh when I laugh loudly.

16. Where is your favorite place to shop? Ann Taylor Loft – no question. Just ask Neely!

17. What’s one thing you’d do more often if you had more time? Spend quality time with the kids and cross stitch

18. Are you a big spender or frugal? Big spender

19. Who is your favorite character of all time? Woodstock? I don’t think I have one.

20. Would you want to be famous? No, thank you.

Anyone else want to play?

I knew I wanted to wait until I had my last baby. I didn’t want to chance not being able to have an epidural while in labor. Let’s not discuss that last sentence, mkay? I’m ready. I’m beyond ready. Queen is going to get a remembrance tatoo also. We are going to go together. She’s making me wait until she saves enough money. I’m dying with anticipation.

I have been reading another blog for a while that I found from Catherine’s site. Catherine just got a remembrance tatoo. I’m jealous. Anywho, this lady lost a little girl to stillbirth. She now has Sydney’s footprint tatooed on her foot. I was reading her blog today and thought that I would like to have Garrett’s footprint tatooed on me. Bad news. I don’t have a footprint of his any longer. A couple of years ago I was working on a remembrance gift for Neely from Garrett for Christmas. Something I do every year. I found a place that would print hand or foot prints on a plaque type thing. That’s when I found out mine, Gran’s and Marie’s has all faded. I no longer have his footprint.

It makes me sad to know that I won’t be able to add that little part to my tatoo. Little baby feet are my favorite body parts to kiss. They are so adorable. Funny, since I have problem with feet in general. Just ask Neely.

Any ideas on how to find a copy of Garrett’s footprints? I really would like to have them.

I missed it. I was at band practice when I was supposed to be lighting a candle. It made me kind of sad. Then I read this post and thought that I couldn’t have said it better myself. It really spoke to my heart. I know most people don’t understand. It’s good to find someone who does.

Oh Garrett, I miss you more everyday. Momma, Daddy, Weeman and Slurpee all love you very much.