I took Slurpee for her genetics follow up last week. They had sent the report to us, but it was in medicalese and darn if I could tell what it all meant.

Basically, I have an abnormality on chromosome 22 that I never knew about. I passed that on to her. Simply because of the way she looked when she was born they did genetic testing and found this abnormality.

The simple explanation is that she and I have extra material on chromosome 22. The extra material is not linked to any syndromes that the medical community knows about at this time. They would be more concerned if she were missing material. Knowing that I have lived this long with the same abnormality and seem to have no problems (insert jokes here) there is no reason to believe that she will grow up with no problems.

She was checked out by one full fledged genetic counselor, one full fledged genetic doctor, one nurse, and four med students. It was fun. I love watching the students learn. It helps me learn more about all the medical stuff. Very helpful.

I’m glad to be able to go back to being a normal, healthy family.

I saw this little questionnaire on a blog I just started reading and thought I would borrow it since I can’t find anything to talk about here.

 1. What is your favorite thing to snack on while your blogging? I usually blog while I’m at work, so I don’t usually snack. I also need my hands to type. Don’t you?

2. What is one thing you wouldn’t want to live without? It says thing, but I would have to say my family. Mostly my kids.

 3. Beach, Mountains, or Farm? Where would you live if you had a choice? Just a couple of years ago I would have said mountains. But after last winter being so cold and being stuck in the house with Weeman because of the cold I’m going with Beach. I want warm weather dang it.

 4. What’s your least favorite chore/household duty? Cleaning the bathrooms. My mother made me do it when I was living at home and I never did it to her liking.

5. Who do people say you remind them of? My mother

6. Prefer parties and socializing or staying home with the fam? Home. I should probably socialize more, but I’m really a home body.

7. What’s your all time favorite movie? The Notebook

8. Do you sleep in your make-up or remove it like a good little girl every night? Sleep in my make-up or what’s left of it. I run my hands over my face all day long.

9. Do you have a hidden talent or a deep desire to learn something that you’ve never had a chance to learn? What is it? Ummmm, nothing hidden. I do love music and wish I had finished my music education degree.

10. What’s one strange thing you’re really good at? Seeing things as they really are before anyone else (I knew Garret was going to die 6 days before anyone else) My grandmother could do the same thing.

11. What first attracted you to your spouse? He treated me like a queen. I don’t know what happened.

12. What is something you love to smell? The top of Slurpee’s head

13. Tell something about you that you know irritates people. I used to be early all the time. Now I’m late all the time. I blame the kids, but really it’s me.

14. When you have extra money, what’s the first thing you think to do with it? Buy clothes for me or the kids

15. Are you a silent laugher or a loud laugher? I used to have this really great giggle. It kept me from laughing loudly. I lost it when Garrett died. I miss it all the time. I know have silent laughter. I hate the way I laugh when I laugh loudly.

16. Where is your favorite place to shop? Ann Taylor Loft – no question. Just ask Neely!

17. What’s one thing you’d do more often if you had more time? Spend quality time with the kids and cross stitch

18. Are you a big spender or frugal? Big spender

19. Who is your favorite character of all time? Woodstock? I don’t think I have one.

20. Would you want to be famous? No, thank you.

Anyone else want to play?

For about two years now, I have wanted to get a tattoo to remember my sweet baby boy. My nephew, String Bean, has 5 or 6 tats. The last one he got was a remembrance tatoo for Garrett. It is beautiful. He took me with him when he got it. He had drawn a picture of what he wanted before he got his tat. It is a remembrance ribbon with a baby hospital band around it. That’s not what he got exactly. So, I decided that’s what I would get.

I knew I wanted to wait until I had my last baby. I didn’t want to chance not being able to have an epidural while in labor. Let’s not discuss that last sentence, mkay? I’m ready. I’m beyond ready. Queen is going to get a remembrance tatoo also. We are going to go together. She’s making me wait until she saves enough money. I’m dying with anticipation.

I have been reading another blog for a while that I found from Catherine’s site. Catherine just got a remembrance tatoo. I’m jealous. Anywho, this lady lost a little girl to stillbirth. She now has Sydney’s footprint tatooed on her foot. I was reading her blog today and thought that I would like to have Garrett’s footprint tatooed on me. Bad news. I don’t have a footprint of his any longer. A couple of years ago I was working on a remembrance gift for Neely from Garrett for Christmas. Something I do every year. I found a place that would print hand or foot prints on a plaque type thing. That’s when I found out mine, Gran’s and Marie’s has all faded. I no longer have his footprint.

It makes me sad to know that I won’t be able to add that little part to my tatoo. Little baby feet are my favorite body parts to kiss. They are so adorable. Funny, since I have problem with feet in general. Just ask Neely.

Any ideas on how to find a copy of Garrett’s footprints? I really would like to have them.

I missed it. Yesterday was Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. You are supposed to light a candle at 7pm in your time zone. The thought is that the lights can be seen traveling around the world. A cool thought.

I missed it. I was at band practice when I was supposed to be lighting a candle. It made me kind of sad. Then I read this post and thought that I couldn’t have said it better myself. It really spoke to my heart. I know most people don’t understand. It’s good to find someone who does.

Oh Garrett, I miss you more everyday. Momma, Daddy, Weeman and Slurpee all love you very much.

I knew early on in Slurpee’s pregnancy that no matter what happened she would be my last. Pregnancy is too stressful for me mentally and physically. We talked about and decided that if I had a c-section I would get my tubes tied. In hind sight that’s what I should have done instead of the labor and delivery I did have. Anyway, it’s too late to redo that now.

Neely promised that if I didn’t have a c-section he would get things taken care of on his end. It’s been four months and I’m still waiting. I was late this month and almost stressed myself to death about it. No worries though, I started today.

Last night I saw a woman holding a teeny baby. Slurpee isn’t that big so teeny has to be relative. It looked like the baby was only a couple of weeks old. It made me yearn for another one. Babies just grow up too quick.

I was thinking this morning about getting my tubes tied. That would make it definite that we would have no more children. (I know. Unless we adopted.) I know that my body can only handle so much and I know my nerves could never handle another pregnancy. I think I am just grieving the close of that part of my life.

What would you do? If you were still yearning to have more children would you get things fixed so it wouldn’t happen? Would you do it knowing the problems you have while being pregnant?

I went a couple of weeks ago and had Slurpee’s 3 month pictures taken. She did great!! Weeman even jumped in for a couple of the pictures. These are much better than the pictures that were taken at Papa’s church.
I hope you like them.

Tagged: all smiles, Slurpee, weeman ]]> http://onefootinfront.wordpress.com/2009/10/06/pictures-of-3-months/feed/ 1 heddam http://onefootinfront.wordpress.com/2009/10/05/what-the-heck-is-going-on/ http://onefootinfront.wordpress.com/2009/10/05/what-the-heck-is-going-on/#comments Mon, 05 Oct 2009 13:20:37 +0000 heddam http://onefootinfront.wordpress.com/?p=470 ]]>

Just last week there were three news story in our area about girls/women having babies and leaving them somewhere. Gran told me a story about a girl having a baby in the bathroom at the high school I attended. She said she didn’t know she was pregnant. They were both found and taken to the hospital. They are both fine.

I then heard the same story on the news in connection with the next two stories. There was a girl (I don’t know how old she is) in a nearby suburb that gave birth at home. She put the baby in a shoe box and took her to her neighbor’s house. She rang the door bell and ran. The neighbor found the baby and called 911. There was a note stating that the baby’s name was Jordan and to please take care of her. The baby is fine. The mother was found at home and taken to the hospital. She is fine also.

In another suburb there was a lady who had a baby in an emergency bathroom. She left the baby there and the baby was found dead. They do not know if the baby was born dead or died after being left.

A few weeks before those stories were released there was another story of a couple giving birth at home during the down pours that led to the flooding. This happened a few days before the flooding started. The father took the baby and put him in a storm drain. When the mother went to the hospital they were finally able to get from her that she had had a baby. They went to the father’s house and were finally able to find the baby. He was alive but died the next day at the hospital.

I have buried a child. That is the hardest thing I have ever done. I struggled with infertility when I was trying to get pregnant with Slurpee. Her pregnancy was very rough on me and the delivery was rougher. I cannot tell you how upset if makes me to hear about women that have babies and don’t do anything to make sure they are ok and taken care of.

After struggling with infertility and talking to so many women that wanted to have a baby more than anything else, I can’t help but be infuriated by these news stories. There are so many choices for these women. Why do they do stupid things and endanger the lives of these babies?

I heard one other story of a couple and what they did to their twins. It is so disturbing to me that I can’t even talk about it. The women did receive 54 years in jail after being convicted of 10 different counts.

If you ever see a woman in a situation like one of these, please let them know that there are women who would do anything to have a baby. I don’t know how many more of the stories I can bear to hear.

This past Saturday I spend most of the day working with the Color Guard at the local high school. It was all for nothing, but that’s a post for another day.

While I was away, the family went to Weeman’s soccer game. Neely and Weeman went to the local college football game after that (gotta love football in the South) and Slurpee went to spend the day with Gran.

When we went to pick her up and go to dinner Gran told me that Slurpee rolled over. I told her no she didn’t. There has not been a milestone that I have seen first so I like to pretend like she didn’t tell me what happened. Gran told me that she was only telling me so that I wouldn’t put her on the bed and she roll off. I rolled my eyes and reminded Gran that she can only go from front to back so I don’t think she could roll of the bed.

After I put Weeman to bed that night I took Slurpee into her room to put her to bed. I decided to see what would happen if we did some tummy time. I laid her out on her tummy with her hands under her chin, her favorite way to lay, and she immediately rolled over. I did that a couple more times and then called Weeman out of bed. I wish you could have seen his face. Slurpee rolled over and he was so excited. He said, “Momma, she rolled over!!!”

So, we are semi-mobile. We were taking pictures Sunday afternoon and they were trying to get her on her tummy pushing her head up and she kept rolling over. Too cute. I guess it’s time to get the baby gates out before she starts rolling around the house.

I was beginning to feel like Noah and build an ark here. We have seen about 10 days straight of rain. It’s been really dreary. Saturday on the way to Papa’s church to have our pictures taken we were stuck on the interstate for an hour and a half because it was flooded and all of the lanes were blocked.

It cleared up a little Sunday, but the rains returned. The are had anywhere from 10-18 inches of rain on Monday and it kept raining Tuesday. Luckily, we live in the part of the city that saw little to no flooding. However, the rest of the city did not fair so well.

Three of the major interstates in the city were closed until this afternoon. It has been crazy and weird all at the same time. The sun was out yesterday and part of today. There are chances of thunderstorms tomorrow and through the weekend. With that comes the chance of trees falling because the ground is so saturated.

Remember all of those that have lost their homes and almost everything they have. Remember the families of the 9 people who died in the floods.

Six years ago yesterday my little boy went to be with God. I didn’t understand it then and I don’t understand it today. I know that my life would be completely different if we had not gone through that experience.

As is the tradition, we went to the cemetery and lit a candle and played “Glory Baby” by Watermark. There are some of the lyrics from that song on his headstone. We then eat dinner at Out.back just like we did the night he died. The family that comes is getting smaller and smaller. The cards and phone calls have stopped coming.

The rest of the day we spent just living life. Neely did chores, I played with Weeman and Slurpee, we got ready to go back to school, I was able to do some cross stitching, we watched football, etc. There were a few times that things got quiet and my mind was allowed to wander. It’s during those quiet times that it becomes so hard. When I feel like I’m suffocating.

Since we lost Garrett, my best friend has lost her first born, my in-laws lost their son, and I have met several people that have lost their children. The one thing I have learned is that it gets better. It doesn’t get any easier (at least not 6 years into it), but it does get better. I make a choice everyday to get up and put one foot in front of the other. It’s all I can do. If I sat down and said, “I lost a child and I just can’t do it today,” I would die. Weeman and Slurpee would suffer. It just wouldn’t be right.

I’m not sure what I’m supposed to learn from this tragedy or what I’m supposed to do with it. I know that I understand people who have lost children more now. I know that I’m able to explain to people what grief is like and how to get through it. Other than that, I’m not sure what to do with the knowledge I have.

I love and miss you, Garrett. There was so much I wanted for you that you will never have. I’m sorry that I was not able to do more for you when you were here. I feel like I let you down. We had you for a moment, but you will be in our hearts forever.